My Spiritual Awakening (& how it changed everything)

PROLOGUE: Writing again, but with purpose

My first wish, that I can remember, was to be a writer. I prayed about it when I was nine or ten years old, just in case that kind of thing worked. That dream changed and morphed over time—I want to be an actress! (Tried it). Ok, now, a therapist! (I am). But the desire to share through written word was there from the start. My problem became…what do I write about? What do I have to say?

I remember an old acting coach encouraging  me to live more first. The more I lived, the more I could bring to the craft. Well, in hindsight, I’m bringing that energy to my writing. The last five years, in particular, have been really intense living and I’m finally at a place where I want to talk about it. I want to share. I have things that I want to say. This is a good feeling.

So, first of all, thank you for reading this blog. I’m touched when I think about my words reaching you, wherever you are. We found each other. And I don’t believe in coincidences. I believe in connection, connections that go beyond the physical. I would actually go further and say I trust in these soul connections.

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I didn’t always feel this way. I was lost, bumbling around, doing my best, following the script. You know the lines: Do this to be happy—get the job, the money, the partner, the kids, the house. But I never felt totally happy, at least not consistently. I had wonderful sparks of pleasure and joy, but they wouldn’t last. And I didn’t feel any closer to knowing myself or my purpose in this world. Why am I here? What is this life really about? And why aren’t we focusing on that?

I had several out-of-body experiences while meditating in my twenties, but completely pathologized them. When I told an ex I’d “floated above my body and felt one with everything”, he suggested I’d had a manic episode, and I listened. I was a therapist, after all, and a woman with a good head on her shoulders. I went back to therapy and largely put the experiences behind me. Until this awakening came for me, and my soul wouldn’t allow me to turn away anymore.

It was seemingly out of nowhere, a rocketship experience. In 2019, when I was 32 years old, my kundalini spontaneously rose. Now, at the time, I had no idea what that meant and honestly, it’s still hard to put in words. How do we describe what is indescribable? Let me try, though. Over the course of six months or so, my chakras activated. I could feel it in my body—like huge bursts of energy, sometimes fiery, sometimes tingling and cool, like menthol. The masculine and feminine channels were suddenly alive within me. And I experienced bliss, nirvana, ecstasy that took my breath away. Completely enraptured me. I also started seeing colors in my third eye, lucid dreaming, remembering other lives, having visions, connecting with my guides, experiencing synchronicities and signs. It was quite the ride! But it was also really overwhelming and confusing. I wondered if I was going crazy. I wondered who I could talk to.

This awakening activated the deepest shadows and pains within me—from my childhood, my lineage, and from just being a human on this planet. I believe I chose to heal this karma. It’s been intense but it’s been welcome, because I understand the ripple effects of personal healing. I know that the more we heal and raise our frequency, the more we support the greater energy grids. We help to heal the universe when we heal. Pretty incredible!

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So I’ve been living versions of this profound healing and ascension for the last five years. With lots of adventure, pain, and love on the way. Even so, I hardly talk about my kundalini experiences. Why? Because it can easily become another shiny New Age experience, something to chase and want. When actually, it’s not about the new abilities that came online, the past live remembrances, or even the bliss. That’s all besides the point. The point is that I connected with my soul again. I remembered God. I remembered my purpose in serving the Divine and bringing more healing and love to this world.

And I believe this is available for all of us. But truthfully? Especially for the sensitives, who are already so close, already so in tune with our environments and our hearts. We just need that extra push, so here it is.

Keep going. Keep healing. Learn to listen to your emotions and your intuition. Find aligned teachers and teachings. Know that your soul tribe is out there and you will find them as you grow. Keep believing in yourself and exploring any blocks to that self-belief. Above all, keep loving. This is really just another beginning. And there is no end.